Unwinding

My writing of late has been coiled and more or less a release of some energy that had not been released in some time. But the idea was to simplify and I don't know whether I can get very close to that if I don't take time to explain myself to the reader. It has been a case of observing what is there, distilling it, and then showing it for what it is. Everything is more complicated than you think. Maybe the answer is in re-locating memory that was less concrete and more abstract, and using that area to develop ideas in a more interwoven manner. The thing about children is that they see similarities and consistencies in so many different locations but they don't know how to synthesize knowledge which is presented as distinctly separate. So the coiled appearance of my writing is really just another way of clearing a framework, of transforming it to be more versatile and intuitive.

My journal began with a quote from Esdras, an apocryphal text from the Bible, which said that it is impossible to go into the deep wide place without passing through the narrow. But there are so manner narrow rivulets breaking into wide rivers and outlets at this moment, all forming from the same source; they just look different. And they are, in a way, different, but not to the degree that they are incompatible. To retain the sense of how you synthesize knowledge, that creative aspect which is more lost as memory seems to recall things of seeming irrelevance. The truth is that, whatever I am unfolding in myself is highly useful, and has the ability to displace the way which knowledge us used. It has a lot to do with memory, with the subconscious, with the sense of patterns which exist underneath the narrative and perspective of literature. The connections between these items of knowledge and these words that span such wide stretches of other people's memory serve to make transparent the similarities of so much thinking. If this can be done, then it might have a profound effect on our understanding.

Peculiar as it is, I think many people learn in similar ways, and this process is undergone in many individuals. The comparative approach which does not look so much for explanations but for underlying similarities. And it is this that I am interested in. Forget the accumulation of knowledge or the development of particular research methods. Intensity of thought and depth of research is not adequate replacement for pragmatism. The undiscovered self. There seems to be a certain separation of self which is quite natural up to a point. But at which point does it approach the vastness of an ocean. I do not make the assumption of a collective consciousness, but rather suggest that it is a valuable way of making ourselves expand beyond our own horizons. People see colors differently, feel differently, learn differently... It seems as though all this experience makes the attempt to find confluence between experiences paramount. It is truly only at this point, at this moment that the opportunity suddenly presents itself.

I do not expect that people love each other naturally, or understand each other without some sort of relationship that is always in motion. I do not expect that things materialize without the expression of difference. It seems so peculiar to talk of morality, rights, already existing relationships... when they barely exist. That is the illusion. The whole needs effort and a sense of mutual dependence. I do not attempt to find similarities of conscience, of religion, of class background... these are merely the subsidiaries of something more simple: what makes sense? It was, after all, the difference between sense and nonsense that slavery was abolished, that wars end: things do not end because of the struggle of good over evil; they end because life finds a way. It is life that matters, literally, and it is the sense of life that always remains; always fluctuating, and always taking on new forms and living under course of necessity.