"True love will find you in the end..."

An initial thank you to the musician Daniel Johnston for the sentiment above.

"Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."

- p16, The Alchemist, Paul Coelho

This is a very interesting twist of the tale. What is fascinating about life and the journey of becoming what one would like to be, and has wanted for longer than he can say, is that even a novel written over twenty years ago still serves as a beacon of hope and once it is set upon the path that seemed quite worn and diminished in value, it sets everything ablaze. My interest is solely set upon the interwoven nature of life and consciousness. Allow me to elaborate, and by describing it I am not so tangled in myself and my own consciousness. I found this book through a chaotic (or perhaps very ordered) series of events; I was in a book store by the sea reading Alain de Botton's The Consolations of Philosophy and was rapidly, after several months of not being wrapped up in thinking, cast deep into it. I was assured by the opening chapter that my Socratic thirst for understanding and questioning was not flawed and that I was depriving myself of this somewhat in the place I was in.

It isn't worth skirting around the truth; when I arrived here my first intention was to grasp everything and understand it. It was not for any sort of wealth but wisdom and understanding and my distaste for the ordinary and the unmutable is enough to derail any venture more than a dozen times. But it is my identifier; when I have a conversation it slips quickly from the ordinary to the extraordinary, and I feel like the conversation takes place at the center of the universe. Suddenly voices become transmitters for profound ideas and a gardening spirit unfolds; the ideas are nurtured and their truth and purpose are balanced like broad beans against sticks, but the sticks here are sticks of discussion and the fabric made is understanding woven to reason. 

It is most natural for me to exist on that penultimate border, as though I had once exiled myself from home in order to understand it from without. That extraordinary self-indulgence of being a wallflower is hard to escape, and harder to explain. Had Victor Hugo not written with such selfless regard for the universe our romantic poets would be sterile. Had Rousseau not consciously understood human inter-relationship we would still be feebly not thinking for ourselves and unable to communicate what we felt were our deepest desires but we had not the language or the understanding to do so. Had we not the courage of the reformers in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries we would be hopelessly sterile in our culture and religion. Had we not the brave souls who rebuilt their lives after the plague in the middle ages we would have no legacy, no Christianity to carry forward. That faith defies the horizon and makes our patience limitless. Had we not carried a sense of faith from Roman rule we would live without an idea of real wealth. We wouldn't even have a basic notion of the value of life as Christ presented it. He was a true prophet, but I agree more or less with Ralph Waldo Emerson in his Divinity School Address. Prophets simply see and understand the God that is inherent in this universe regardless of what other people are trying to tell you.

I am in an ideal position, and in a very lonely one as well. One in which my mind expands everywhere and at every moment. How could I possibly think upon one issue or one subject, without seeing that it is limited without another. How is it that we subject ourselves to particular strains of life, and particular paths which seem so limited and unsatisfying. I recall reading Adam Smith earlier this year, but he gets rather persnickety and rather off topic most of the time. His work is not an economic framework of set of guidelines in essence, but an economy of man; his over-emphasis on detail and the difficulty of reading his work is an unfortunate legacy of economics. Just like physicists insist upon the tradition of mathematical formulae for quantum theory, the way of dealing with such subject matter becomes akin to speaking in a foreign language. What I insist upon is that these over-elaborate mechanisms serve to obfuscate proper understanding. Even in the language of physics or economics, the diversion from the whole into the particular makes it even more likely that mistakes will be made. Not mistakes in theory of nothing at all that would upset the structure of gravitational explanation of whether or not macro-economics works but actual human mistakes based upon incomprehension of how the singular fits in with the whole.

"The language of truth is unadorned and always simple."
Marcellinus Ammianus

This is wisdom, and cannot be shied from. Unfortunately, for most of my life I have simply been indifferent to proferred wisdom from school learning and the statements made not simply by people around me but television and newspapers. This indiference led to seperate existence and detachment from the whole. Community involvement diminishes as religion offers no sincerity or truth. Huge parking lot fields, supermarkets, negligent teaching systems, inappropriate content of television, the establishment of unsustainable but distracting commodities, and a bombardment of tellevision commercials and peer pressure into an environment that is not only unnatural, but unhealthy and unsustainable. To get on the outside is a challenge and requires discipline. It requires for one to pass a threshold of frustration and all this alongside the usual challenges of pubescent difficulty, social awkwardness and any other not so minor detail in that hazardous part of life.

All of this fits very adequately, I must stress. I did not just slip from describing the universe to struggling within it for no reason; what I mean to stress is that it is difficult to see the universe as it is and also be part of it. And it is difficult to see the universe as it is after being part of it, especially with the language that people use: the language of mathematics, the language of economics (a diminished version of what was once a theory very concerned with the economic principle in nature as well), the language of religion (which has been so formalized that people do not feel the intimacy of it; once based upon community, now struggling to hold people's attention), and the language of the humanities. A personal frustration I am met with upon the recognition of the last: history, anthropology, sociology, the history of art, linguistics, the study of literature. All in a seperate language, but al find communication difficult. Where do we think we are going if we cannot communicate the study of human nature in a common field? Why is the language of religion not more emotive and personal, as Emerson stresses? Why is economics, a deeply human interest, not understood by all.

This lack of intimacy and human understanding overwhelms me. It appears to me as though an aspect of consciousness has been sacrficed for the greater whole, and those subtleties that we once knew are being held hostage by keepers who speak in a foreign tongue. If those languages were simplified and brought into mutual use, if we dropped the assumption that mutual understanding and purpose was impossible, then we would realise that it is not difficult to understand the simplicity of truth on this earth, buried subtly like soft peat in the soil. Truth is in front and behind us. Truth is not some expectaction of the future, but a moment understood in the present. It is the moment of recognition, that everything is in balance, and everything is connected. If we are to live lives in which we can communicate ourselves on a deeper level and also ask questions and save others from hard times, then we must also have truth, and a universal understanding of it.

Who is the propagator of this myth; that truth is elsewhere, that the human species must work in isolation and incomprehension of greater purpose and not work as a whole together?  This article is interesting and partially relevant:

The Weak Heart of Economics

This article is another beacon off recognition; economists feel that the individual should be free to make as much profit as possible and that is the principle of good working economics. Unfortunately this is the cataclysm engendered by incomprehension of the whole of human and general nature. There is no wealth that is not care for environment, compassion for neighbours in community, the interest in creative pursuits and mutual nurturing of children, whether through education, conveyed wisdom, the transference of skills, or just making sure they survive.

Humanity is in a pivotal moment of crisis, and I do not refer to it as a negative issue. It is in crisis as was the young man who found himself in his mid-twenties and still thinking only of himself. The man who figured himself at the center of the world; that things around him were contingent upon himself, and his local community he was not responsible for, the nurturing of the soil that kept him alive was not his (that he did not belong, even, to it). This man is the western world; it is psychologically in the wrong placce, and its traditions are a fraud based upon traditions which never accepted the growth of the world outside. It was all for such short-term gain, and what we- the pieces of the whole- received in return was a legacy of guilt, short-term financial gain and a division of community which makes as suffer acutely now. And where are our long-term saftey blankets? What happened when the human species settled on the soil to alienate us from it; to treat it like it wasn't a great part of us. Our own self-consciousness and subsequently a divergence of conscious thought which, though prductive in the short-term, is destroying our  habitat.

Our green hospitable planet at this hospitable region of the universe; our home (perhaps you would like to follow this extraordinary link):

Home Project

The relationship stretches beyond us. The plants have a subtle arrangement which we cannot appreciate unless we step out of our brutally mechanistic and structured worldview. We have even lost our more meaningful sense of time. We work long winters and  only rest of weekends. We do not think of ourselves as animals which neeed repose, and need a common pursuit and aim in life. We think of ourselves as independent, liberated creatures tied not to soil or to each other. We must break that psychological fault and see the world for what it is; a consciousness which struggles for stability as we do, and requires our love and respect as we imagine we proffer it to each other.

Human wealth, and the wealth of nations. Adam Smith led us all down a dark and frightening path. Economics became the gathering momentum of nationalism, and the reason we have value we couldn't possible use to harmonize with environment. Virtues like work and labour are the real value. The strength of community and the preservation of land and forests. The careful attendance to mutual communication and understanding. That is true wealth. I anticipate the moment when we negate the common currency and the gold standard, and establish real connections; intimate, human connections of trust. How can we trust one another if we do not see and discuss with one another. If there is no intimacy in education, no recognisable language in our high culture, what life is there- what community is there?

By realising the general human mistakes of the past and that the way we live is bound to take its toll on the earth, we may have a mission together. We might all become gardeners and we might escape this confused human seperateness from the whole that we ourselves have established, through traadition and then through organised religion (or anti-religion) and high-falluting incomprehensible science. I do not mean to undermine those who work hard in their fields but the question is simple: if this barrier continues then what sort of community will be left? A service sector which provides for a manufacturing class (India and China) and is dependent on an increasingly impoverished agricultural region (Latin America)? We cannot exist in real communities if we do not know how to live as responsible humans and we must lean to rebuild self-sufficiency and a thirst for education. I have always known what it is wanted to be and to do and if I must be a wallflower with insight and live on the outskirts of life then I must.

It is singularly the most wonderful thing to empathise with an entire species and I would not have it any other way...

Anyway, so I had finished reading de Botton's The Consolations of Philosophy and I realised that I have a purpose to ask questions and act consciously to create a world I would like to be part of and build a family and community within, and help others to do the same. The last few articles were written in a flurry of excitement and rapture, and not I am becoming more collected. Before I came to the conclusion that I must be a writer and orator, whether impoverished or not, I came across an even more interesting situation which has somewhat given me  more definition and purpose. It was a definition of a personality type in a modern Encyclopedia. The alchemist. I immediately identified with it: chaotic personality, and tends to empathise on a whole other level. And judging from this extract relating to Carl Jung it seems even more appropriate:

"Alchemical symbolism has been used by psychologists such as Carl Jung who reexamined alchemical symbolism and theory and presented the inner meaning of alchemical work as a spiritual path. Jung was deeply interested in the occult since his youth, participating in seances, which he used as the basis for his doctoral dissertation "On the Psychology and Pathology of So-Called Occult Phenomena." In 1913, Jung had already adopted a "spiritualist and redemptive interpretation of alchemy", likely reflecting his interest in the occult literature of the nineteenth century. Jung began writing his views on alchemy from the 1920s and continued until the end of his life. His interpretation of Chinese alchemical texts in terms of his analytical psychology also served the function of comparing Eastern and Western alchemical imagery and core concepts and hence its possible inner sources (archetypes).

Jung saw alchemy as a Western proto-psychology dedicated to the achievement of individuation^. In his interpretation, alchemy was the vessel by which Gnosticism survived its various purges into the Renaissance, a concept also followed by others such as Stephan A. Hoeller. In this sense, Jung viewed alchemy as comparable to a Yoga of the East, and more adequate to the Western mind than Eastern religions and philosophies. The practice of Alchemy seemed to change the mind and spirit of the Alchemist. Conversely, spontaneous changes on the mind of Western people undergoing any important stage in individuation seems to produce, on occasion, imagery known to Alchemy and relevant to the person's situation.

Jung did not completely reject the material experiments of the alchemists, but he massively downplayed it, writing that the transmutation was performed in the mind of the alchemist. He claimed the material substances and procedures were only a projection of the alchemists' internal state, while the real substance to be transformed was the mind itself.^"

(taken from Wikipedia.com; search: Alchemy)

My indentification with this latter claim, that the real subtance to be transformed was the mind itself is exactly what I have been aiming for, exactly where my interest lies. And it is based deeply in initial lack of recognition but with the precise aim of transformation. Really my interest is in breaking from assumption into actual understanding. I want to translate truth into universal language so that whenever there is something I feel strongly towards, such as sustainable community development, then I can support it and can help others understand why it is there and why it is meaningful and worthwhile. That was the moment really that I knew I had to start writing again, even if it is quite tiring at times.

The subject of the Alchemist led me in turn to a short novel I am reading at this moment: "The Alchemist" written by Paul Coelho. It is really just giving me more of that purpose and faith the the direction I am about to take, the journey I am about to set upon. Here are some quotes:

“The boy was beginning to understand that intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected, and we are able to know everything, because it’s all written there" p74

"“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.” “Every second of the search is an encounter with God,” the boy told his heart. “When I have been truly searching for my treasure, every day has been luminous, because I’ve known that every hour was a part of the dream that I would find it. When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I’ve discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage to try things that seemed impossible for a shepherd to achieve.” So his heart was quiet for an entire afternoon. That night, the boy slept deeply, and, when he awoke, his heart began to tell him things that came from the Soul of the World. It said that all people who are happy have God within them. And that happiness could be found in a grain of sand from the desert, as the alchemist had said. Because a grain of sand is a moment of creation, and the universe has taken millions of years to create it. “Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him,” his heart said. “We, people’s hearts, seldom say much about those treasures, because people no longer whant to go in search of them. We speak of them only to children. Later, we simply let life proceed, in its own direction, toward its own fate. But, unfortunately, very few follow the path laid out for them – the path to their Personal Legends, and to happiness. Most people see the world as a threatening place, and, because they do, the world turns out, indeed, to be a threatening place. “So, we, their hearts, speak more and more softly. We never stop speaking out, but we begin to hope that our words won’t be heard: we don’t want people to suffer because they don’t follow their hearts.” “why don’t people’s hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams?” the boy asked the alchemist. “Because that’s what makes the heart suffer most, and hearts don’t like to suffer.” From then on, the boy understood his heart. He asked it, please, never stop speaking to him. He asked that, when he wandered far from his dreams, his heart press him and sound the alarm. The boy swore that, every time he heard the alarm, he would heed its message. That night, he told all of this to the alchemist. And the alchemist understood that the boy’s heart had returned to the Soul of the World. “So what should I do now?” the boy asked." p129-131

And finally;

"“This is why alchemy exists,” the boy said. “So that everyone will search for his treasure, find it, and then want to be better than he was in his former life. Lead will play its role until the world has no further need for lead; and then lead will have to turn itself to gold. “That’s what alchemists do. They show that, when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too.” “Well, why did you say that I don’t know about love?” the sun asked the boy. “Because it’s not love to be static like the desert, nor is it love to roam the world like the wind. And it’s not love to see everything from a distance, like you do. Love is the force that transforms and improves the Soul of the World. When I first reached through to it, I thought the Soul of the World was perfect. But later, I could see that it was like other aspects of creation, and had its own passions and wars. It is we who nourish the Soul of the World, and the world we live in with be either better or worse, depending on whether we become better or worse. And that’s where the power of love comes in. Because when we love, we always strive to become better than we are." p150-151

It seems to communicate how I feel better than I can at the moment.