End of 2010...
"Since the age of thirteen... I have served one idea, marched under one banner- war against all imposed authority- against every kind of deprivation of freedom, in the name of the absolute independence of the individual. I should like to go on with my guerilla war- like a real Cossack- auf eigine Faust- as the Germans say"-
Isaiah Berlin, "Russian Thinkers", p82
So I left my last vocation at the end of August this year and went down to Dorset to the End of the Road Festival on my own to see a wide array of wonderful musicians: Phosphorescent, Horse Feathers, the Mountain Goats, the Antlers, Mountain Man, Deer Tick, Yo La Tengo, Modest Mouse... All wonderful. What I did was a gamble; I left a secure vocation and traveled hundreds of miles to see music I love. I met some folks when I was down there and my savings were reduced from auspicious stature to rubble. There are times when you just know you have to play that wild card. You just have to take it us it comes and try to make memories and worthwhile experiences. And if it means being broke, well so be it.
Anyway, ever since then I've been looking at things differently. I see now that there are folks in the world who are lovers of equality and expression, and people of sense and potential. And by no means am I alone in this. I have found that though you might feel alone there are consciences that run quite parallel to your own regardless of whether they stand right next to you. I have found out a lot about myself these past few months, particularly that there is within me a capacity to learn, understand and share. There is potential for growth just as a young sapling it its first cycle. I choose to cultivate, and I intend to grow and nurse some wonderful ideas.
The trouble right now is that though I am only sitting a second year course this semester at university I have completely over-read for the course. I now have a thorough interest in economic history in the nineteenth century, the (imagined?) role of ideas in a historical context, revolutionary tradition... In effect these past few months have made an actual historian of me. I am absolutely enamored by the pursuit of truth via history. At first I chose philosophy but that can only ever be a personal pursuit. At least I can make a career of this. I have eight month out of university now to workout what I will specialize in, though I am fairly sure I will arrive back at Russian literature.
What I suppose has happened within these past three months is that I have realized something about what I would like do with my life. I would like to begin an academic career and perhaps do a Masters in Russian or French literature alongside a language course. I would like to follow this up with several years of self study and then perhaps a PHD course. I know I am a late bloomer but it's all within my means. I guess it takes a very long time for some people to make the commitment to university. Even to any pursuit of knowledge/ understanding; it sometimes takes a while to make any sort of sense. I am just pleased that it does now, and if I can have a good excuse to spend my career studying the wealth of literary output in Russia in the nineteenth century I would be immensely satisfied.
Of course, I have a few ideas for contemporary politics. But those will come later.
Isaiah Berlin, "Russian Thinkers", p82
So I left my last vocation at the end of August this year and went down to Dorset to the End of the Road Festival on my own to see a wide array of wonderful musicians: Phosphorescent, Horse Feathers, the Mountain Goats, the Antlers, Mountain Man, Deer Tick, Yo La Tengo, Modest Mouse... All wonderful. What I did was a gamble; I left a secure vocation and traveled hundreds of miles to see music I love. I met some folks when I was down there and my savings were reduced from auspicious stature to rubble. There are times when you just know you have to play that wild card. You just have to take it us it comes and try to make memories and worthwhile experiences. And if it means being broke, well so be it.
Anyway, ever since then I've been looking at things differently. I see now that there are folks in the world who are lovers of equality and expression, and people of sense and potential. And by no means am I alone in this. I have found that though you might feel alone there are consciences that run quite parallel to your own regardless of whether they stand right next to you. I have found out a lot about myself these past few months, particularly that there is within me a capacity to learn, understand and share. There is potential for growth just as a young sapling it its first cycle. I choose to cultivate, and I intend to grow and nurse some wonderful ideas.
The trouble right now is that though I am only sitting a second year course this semester at university I have completely over-read for the course. I now have a thorough interest in economic history in the nineteenth century, the (imagined?) role of ideas in a historical context, revolutionary tradition... In effect these past few months have made an actual historian of me. I am absolutely enamored by the pursuit of truth via history. At first I chose philosophy but that can only ever be a personal pursuit. At least I can make a career of this. I have eight month out of university now to workout what I will specialize in, though I am fairly sure I will arrive back at Russian literature.
What I suppose has happened within these past three months is that I have realized something about what I would like do with my life. I would like to begin an academic career and perhaps do a Masters in Russian or French literature alongside a language course. I would like to follow this up with several years of self study and then perhaps a PHD course. I know I am a late bloomer but it's all within my means. I guess it takes a very long time for some people to make the commitment to university. Even to any pursuit of knowledge/ understanding; it sometimes takes a while to make any sort of sense. I am just pleased that it does now, and if I can have a good excuse to spend my career studying the wealth of literary output in Russia in the nineteenth century I would be immensely satisfied.
Of course, I have a few ideas for contemporary politics. But those will come later.
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